Hiding The Pain. - One Direction. -

Min allra första FF på engelska, så det kan garanterat finnas tusentals fel. Men jag gör mitt bästa att få ihop det så bra som möjligt.
Och om jag slutar skriva här så finns den även HÄR att läsa. Så enjoy. And Hope you like it. ♥

Titel; Hiding The Pain. - One Direction. -
Rating; PG, kan förekomma lite svärande och sexuella beskrivningar.
Handling;
I'm stuck in a nightmare. I have no control over what's going on. There is no way out from this nightmare, a-and it feels like no one cares. Whatever I do to make them feel good about themselves, and make myself feel like crap, it's never good enough. I'm and I'll always be useless, worthless and hopeless. No matter what I'm doing or who I'm with the feelings will always be there. I feel like this is my own fault that I feel like this, it feels like I'm the guilty one. Worthlessness, pain, fear and weakness, that is all I feel. There is no point to trying anymore. I feel empty, like I'm not really existing. No one understands what it feels like. I'm silent, but in reality I'm screaming for help, but there is no one that can save me.

Kapitel 1.

Whore. Bitch. Slut. Fat. Ugly. Useless. Worthless. Hopeless. Kill YOURSELF.

Their words were spinning round and round and round in my head. Did they really mean the words they said? This is it I got to know. Should I stay or should I go, go far away? Should I let my soul fly itself out of this nightmare, far away, far away where no one could ever find it? Should I let go? I froze of the thought. The tears stepped up in corner of my eye, my heart was beating heavily in my chest. Anxiety took control of me.

I shivered.

Why? Why me? What have I ever done to deserve to live in this nightmare?
What if mom, or Harry, finds out? Finds out about me, about him- them, about me cutting myself? What happens then? A picture of a disappointed mom Harry showed up in front of my eyes, gave me a disgusted look. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't. I couldn't handle him- them, Harry, the feelings and the sadness anymore, I couldn't.
My tears showed up, ran in streams down my cheeks. I wiped away the tears, that never seem to go away, with the back of my hand.

I let my body sink down on the bed trying to stop the thoughts fluttering like ghosts, trying to stop them making noise in my head. Every day that passed by felt harder to let it go, it felt harder to move on. Everything just became darker and darker, like the light where gone, gone forever and ever.
The feeling of wanting to die was aching inside. Wanting to die?
Only seventeen years old and all I could think about was about the death. But It was the only way that could give peace, the only way out from this nightmare.
My tears wet my pillow. All I just asked for was to be liked, loved.
My hand reached for my cell phone. I just have to see if they have typed anything more. My social network was now only a black hole, filled with hate messages.

'Have you killed yourself yet? @DiamondBule_StYlEs'

I read it over and over again, I browsed through all the hate message, realized that they were girls who posted all hate, pretty girls. They were beautiful, confident girls, compared to me who is only the bullied worthless, useless, hopeless, fat and ugly girl.

A life like mine, aren't even worth water, why do I have to lie? A life like mine is worth nothing, N-O-T-H-I-N-G. My life is just a bottomless hole, even if you digs your whole life you would never, N-E-V-E-R get out. You would be stuck in there forever, no return, no continuation.
I closed my eyes. Voices, memories and emotions. That was all that was alive in me, that was all that was left inside me.

I sat straight up in bed, my gaze was on my lap, staring at my scars, rolling around the blade with my fingers. Should I do it?

Whore. Bitch. Slut. Fat. Ugly. Useless. Worthless. Hopeless. Ki-.

I cut off the living voice inside me by dragging the sharp blade on my leg, made a deep scar, I screamed in pain. It was the very first time I cut such a deep scar. I cut a second stroke, a third and when I was about to cut the fourth time, the door to my room opened.


Kapitel 2.

I stopped screaming in pain when I suddenly heard a knock on the door. The sound of the soft knock made ​​me look the door's direction, and with wide open eyes I watched the door handle press down. My heart beat faster than ever, I couldn't move or breathe, I just sat there and stared at the door that was slowly, slowly sliding up. I didn't know what or who I was expecting to see, I wished for, just that second, that it wasn't my mother, Gemma or, o-or H-Harry.

When the door finally opened, a tall guy, with a fit body, brown hair and poison green eyes stood in the doorway, looked at me shocked. Just from his facial expressions, I could tell what he saw. He saw the blood running down from my leg, just like a waterfall, his eyes studied my leg for a few seconds before his eyes were back on my face, again. His eyes were wide open, same with his mouth, giving me 'what-is-this?' look.

"D-Diamond?" He whispered, and took long steps into my room. It did not take seconds before he reached up to my bed, looked shocked at my legs that were covered with scars, cuts and blood.
"D-Diamond, what is this?" He whispered, but this time a little louder and with sadness that filled his voice, his husky deep voice.
I did not answer, I just sat there with my gaze on my blood cover the legs. I didn't answer him because I was scared, I didn't answer him because I had to see his disappointed facial expressions.
"Diamond! What. Is. This?" He yelled as he made short pauses between words. Just the same again, I didn't answer him, didn't dare to face him. I looked down at my hands, that were now on my legs, on my scars, on my own blood.

But it wasn't long when I felt two fingers under my chin that lifted my head so I could look up, face hi-, HARRY. I looked into two pairs of green eyes, those green eyes with an unusual color. I saw how his eyes shone with disappointment, pain and anger.
"Now. ANSWER. ME." He said, but this time with long pauses between words this time.
"W-Why do you care, H-Harry? No one ever cares, so why do you?" I said calmly and looked deep into his eyes. He ignore my question
"Diamond, your blood! You are losing blood!" He shouted, interrupted our eye contact by looking down at my blood covered legs.
"Forget it, Harry! This is not the first time. Let me lose all blood I have left, please Harry." I said, tried to fight back the tears. The damn tears that was filled with pain. But couldn't, the tears ran like a waterfall from my eyes. Why do I have to be this weak? WHY?
"You're fucking sick? Are you trying to kill yourself? Diamond, what happened to you? Why are you like this? Liam, Zayn, Louis, Niall, Gemma, mom, ANYONE call for an ambulance. NOW!" Harry yelled out loud.
"NO, NO, NO. DON'T DO THIS TO ME. NO, NO. DON'T CALL THE AMBULANCE, DON'T. HARRY, DON'T DO THIS. LET ME DIE, LET ME GET OUT OF THIS NIGHTMARE. LET MY SOUL FLY ITSELF FREE." I screamed while I went of my bed and began eagerly to walk around in my room.
"Stop walking around like that you will hurt yourself." Harry yelled as tried to grab me so he could drag me close to his arms, so he could calm me down, so he could tell me that everything is going to be okay. But he didn't get the chance, because I grabbed a vase made ​​of glass, threatened him with it, told him if he comes one step closer, I will do anything that would hurt us.
"Don't move or I'll do something you'll re-" I got cut off by someone yelling my name. I turned slowly around and met eyes at me. Four boys who happens to be my brother's band members, Gemma and my mother stood in the doorway looked with wide eyes at my blood covered legs.

"D-Diamond, YOUR LEGS."

:O fett läskigt ju ;_;
Men bra. Du har talang^^
Mer snart. Och inga fler sönderskurna ben, snälla :{

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